Retirement Without Regret

Comparison Is the Thief of Joy

Retirement is supposed to be a reward.

You’ve put in the hours, done your bit, and finally reached the phase where you can breathe out.

So why does it sometimes feel like a silent competition?

Look around long enough and someone seems to be winning at retirement.

They’ve got the larger pension pot, the frequent holidays, the younger knees.

It’s easy to slip into measuring your life against theirs. But the truth is simple: comparison steals joy. Quietly, persistently, and completely.

The Invisible Scoreboard

We all compare. It’s how humans are wired.

Social psychologist Leon Festinger, back in the 1950s, proposed the social comparison theory.

His research suggested people determine their own social and personal worth based on how they stack up against others.

It made sense in the workplace. Less so when you’re supposed to be done competing.

Retirement, unfortunately, doesn’t come with an off switch for these instincts.

The comparisons just shift focus. Who’s downsized? Who bought a second home? Who’s babysitting grandchildren three times a week, while you only get the occasional postcard?

This kind of thinking doesn’t just waste time. It quietly erodes contentment.

In fact, studies from the University of Warwick and Cardiff University found that people who frequently compare their finances with others report significantly lower levels of life satisfaction, regardless of actual income.

It’s not about how much you have. It’s about how you feel about what you have.

There Will Always Be More

Here’s the uncomfortable truth. Someone, somewhere, will always have more.

More money. More hair. More energy. More frequent flyer points. And you’ll likely never know the full story behind their glossy Facebook updates or cheerful pub conversations.

Comparing your retirement to theirs is like comparing your actual house to a showroom.

It’s not a fair fight. You see the laundry pile and the creaky boiler. You don’t see theirs. And even if you did, would it really matter?

You’re not trying to win retirement. There’s no podium at the end. No panel of judges. Just you, your time, and the choices you make with it.

A Better Comparison

So, if not others, who should you compare yourself to?

Yourself.

Not your younger self, necessarily. That’s another trap.

No one in their sixties needs to beat their thirty-five-year-old self at tennis. But compare yourself to who you were yesterday. Last year. Before you made a change, or let something go.

This is more than fluffy encouragement.

A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people who engage in what researchers called “temporal self-appraisal” — essentially comparing themselves to their past selves — experience higher self-esteem and motivation.

Why? Because it’s growth-based. It acknowledges progress, effort, and potential. Not luck or status.

Ask yourself: Am I healthier than I was a year ago? More relaxed? More connected to people I care about?

These are the comparisons that matter. Because they’re yours. No one can take them from you.

Redefining What Retirement Means

We’ve been sold a strange version of retirement. One where success is measured by how much you travel or how long you can hold a plank.

But retirement isn’t a universal experience.

For some, it’s a time of leisure. For others, a chance to finally do work that feels meaningful, paid or not. Some want to build model railways. Others want to rebuild their knees. Both are valid.

The only definition of a successful retirement that matters is your own.

For some, that might be peace of mind. For others, it’s being useful, creative, or simply available.

A good day might involve reading a book in full. Or planting something. Or calling someone. If you’re looking for purpose, don’t look outward.

Look at what makes you feel like yourself.

Escaping the Comparison Habit

It’s not easy to turn off years of social comparison. But it is possible to change the habit.

Start by noticing when it creeps in.

You’ll feel it in your stomach before your thoughts catch up. That flicker of “Why not me?” when someone shares good news. It’s natural. But it’s not helpful.

When you catch it, gently return your attention to your own life. Not in denial, but with curiosity.

What’s going well for you, right now? What are you building or enjoying that someone else might not see?

Some find journaling helps. Not dramatic life summaries, just small notes. What made today good? What am I grateful for? What tiny thing got better?

Others practice presence. Just paying full attention to what you’re doing.

Whether it’s walking the dog or making lunch. Not everything needs to be a milestone. A quiet moment, enjoyed fully, can beat a cruise ship selfie any day.

The Freedom in Letting Go

Comparison is tempting. It promises motivation, but often delivers misery.

Letting go of it doesn’t mean you stop caring. It means you start caring differently. You shift from “Do I have more than them?” to “Do I have what matters to me?”

This isn’t about settling. It’s about choosing.

You can still aim for growth, try new things, and improve yourself. You just don’t have to do it while watching your neighbour’s highlight reel.

Retirement, at its best, is a time to stop performing. To live as yourself, for yourself. It’s a rare thing in a world that seems designed to keep us competing until the end.

So next time you feel yourself comparing, pause. Take a breath. Then ask a better question. Not “Am I keeping up?” but “Am I moving forward, on my terms?”

The answers are usually quieter. But they’re far more honest.

And that’s where joy lives.